Peck, peck, peck…. I really miss my computer.
anyways… he is so lonely and it hurts to watch but it is his choice. It’s his choice how he moves forward in life.
I am not so lonely. In fact I am far less lonely than when I was married. He hates this and he says its because we came back here to my hometown.
but the thing is…. he has no hometown and he hated everywhere we lived. When he is tired though…. he hates this city more than anywhere he has ever lived. If you knew this city…. you would be shocked. People that live here love to live here.
He chooses to be lonely and he has always been this way. He stays closed and he acts tough. It’s hard to watch and it’s hard to know. He would say it isn’t true. He would say that’s it’s because he ALWAYS Has to work. He would say it’s because this town sucks. That hurts too because it’s his way of saying it’s my fault. I moved us back here, I left and now he has to work harder in this shitty town.
His burden is heavy…. heavier than most. This is what he believes and I can’t help him.
honestly …. I have advantages because this is my hometown but actually I’ve mostly made new friends. Honestly….. I go out and meet people because I save for it. I don’t drink beer alone and I don’t smoke… and when I go out I’m cheap and I can do a night on 20 bucks. I go out because I need life breathed into me… it’s healthy… but I choose it.
something big happened the other day. I will write it later. It ties into this… but for now just THIS :
He is lonely and it is not my fault.