I am feeling FULL in a good way. In a way that is not dependant on circumstances and this is powerful. Of course I am feeling all of the usual human stuff too but something feels good and something has shifted within me. It is subtle and it’s not perfection…I have learned this finally…that the old patterns of thinking and being will emerge. Maybe that is part of getting older ~ we can observe ourselves and those old patterns do not swallow us whole.
I feel hungry too. Hungry for more life and more unfolding because while I can be content with what I have life is always fascinating with its twists and turns. I do enjoy living and breathing….growing and laughing.
How about a song or two? These came up recently and they are really fun:
Life is Funny……enjoy it!
~ Always With Love
via Daily Prompt: Privacy
Do we over share or do we hide behind the notion that we should be private? Naturally open I often wonder if I share too much BUT what would I be if I did not tell my stories? And what are our best stories? Our best stories are the ones we lock away deep inside. Our deepest secrets/our privacy is where people feel connected and less alone in a world with people dying to be seen. What do you think? In privacy do we all lose connection?
I am not entirely sure when I started writing love letters to me but it has been woven into my life for a very long time. I am not sure who taught me the importance of being kind to myself, championing myself, cheering myself on but I suppose it was several people. And so this morning and last night when I decided to sit down and read “me” for inspiration I also came up with the idea to share these with you. I hope they inspire you to write love letters to yourself. I hope they inspire you to champion yourself. If you are not sure where to start I have one thing small to offer that was offered to me once (perhaps the start of me consciously writing this way over twenty years ago). Write down one thing you know to be true everyday. Write a wisdom that reflects back to you that you are indeed wise. Fall in love with yourself.
January 21, 2016 ~ Today
Love, it was so sad to leave your marriage but look how you have grown. That was your heart longing and screaming. It was self-love that pulled you away. You named it curiosity, temptation, mid-life crisis ~ you worried you were being selfish. You thought it was about other love and other men/possibilities but it was always about becoming more of you and you knew this too BUT you tried to name it. You can’t blame you and analyze ~ or you can, and you do, and you DID but that is/was a waste of energy because wanting to go the way you wanted to go, in that crazy and insane pulling at your heart way that you always referred to as “your heart screaming at you to leave” ~ that was only about your self-love and your spirit and your life learning journey. Look at who you are becoming?
I hope you can see through the forest at what you are becoming. I hope that whatever journey you are on you KNOW that it is all so that you can shine on through and be the best gift that you are in this life.
~ Always With Love
Perhaps it is harder in the Winter to be single/alone/without a lover or tribe of friends? Yes I am stating the obvious but REMEMBER ~ nature would have us tucked in, warm, and resting. Nature would have us preparing to rejuvenated for the new Spring of life that is coming.
And Maybe even worse this cycle gets interrupted when there is big loss and mourning. Maybe we move into Winter mentally during the Spring because that is when the big loss happened. Then when Winter comes it feels like an extra long winter. So we find ourselves alone and reflecting for far too long and we crave that new season but it is not time. And we are resting and hibernating Alone….maybe not lonely but it can be a long Winter alone. Life does feel complicated when your dreams and visions get swept out from under your feet. Even if you are the one that swept your life out from under your own feet. It gets complicated and exhausting.
But maybe…just maybe it is so much harder in the Winter? And maybe this hard winter will be the hardest Winter of your life. And perhaps this new Spring coming will be the beginning of a life you never would have dreamed. Have HOPE my friends. I do…
~ always with love
Nothing can grow from nothing. Least of all a romance. We all fall, we all get back up. Sometimes it’s long-term and other times, it just doesn’t work no matter what you do. No matter what powers you think you have. I’ve had my doubts about Forever. But if it is going to happen, it […]
via Friends First — The River Runners
This I love .. It is a good piece and I appreciate it. It has taken some time for me to get to this place. After almost twenty years in a monogamous relationship I was in a hurry. Not in a hurry to find love but in a hurry to date and experience being desired. I think it was natural to wonder. Was I still desirable? It was also natural to be curious about other men and the dating world. But I did tend to fall to fast and move too fast in a way that I could have enjoyed a thousand times more if it had been a friends first scenario. This is what I want now…Friends. Even if it has nothing to do with “friends first” and moving to something more. I want to build my friendships, my family, my community and grow.
Thank you River Runners…..hope this shares.
~ Always With Love
I should explain myself regarding yesterdays post. It’s not an easy explain but as simply as I can.
Do Not Discover Me?
Do not step into my life flirt, sweet and attractive……and distract me from the peace I have walking alone….unless you mean it. You can walk in and its okay if it does not work out but ride with me through to a conclusion. If the conclusion is friendship, back to the acquaintances we were before, or strangers we were before I do not really care but just walk with me through our journey. Do not tempt me into a journey I was not looking for and then run in a different direction leaving me hanging. Yes I know I can be intense and yes I know I am scary with the way I talk in truth and explore my instincts about you. Yes I know I am not always right and I say the wrong thing or the wrong thing too quickly BUT I am not frail. I have never been frail. I always let go and I am a worthwhile adventure. I promise you will grow….if you want to. I KNOW that I will grow and that is why I put myself on the line. But do not be intrigued and then leave me hanging. If you do then I suppose we could never have been friends anyways. Friends walk through and discover who the other is AND even they adjust who they are if it is reasonable to do so. I am tired of disposable attitudes and I am tired of the surface of things.
Switching Gears But Along The Same Line – Social Media
I am feeling like social media (Facebook in particular) makes it too easy to walk in and walk out. I am a Facebook junky and for the first time since I started in 2008 ~ I deactivated my account. It made me feel connected for so long but now it makes me feel less and less connected. I am getting scratches to my itches but no substance. This big world is not my real world. These people are not in my world the way I like to think they are. My world is much smaller and I think it is time to focus on that. I am also not my pictures, not just a pretty face and not just who you see or want to see. I am not for your entertainment if you are bored. I am in it for YOU and ME…..and if you do not have my actual phone number, you have not met me for coffee or met me for an evening out then there is really not much reason in you knowing so much about me nor my knowing so much about you. That right there…that is a tough one for me because I like to express and write. I am going to think about it. For now…I am off and it feels pretty FINE.
To Be Honest
To be honest I have a lot to learn. I am too intense. A friend of mine once said I should tell every man I meet that I do not “half love”. It is true and I have met nobody quite like me in that regard. I am very particular and when I feel that spark I get carried away. It is my overactive imagination? It is my impatience? It is my fear and reluctance to jump into something that is not defined? I push to see how this person feels about me and I open up as a test? Can he handle me? Will he let me love the way I like to love? It is not really fair though. I jump in too soon and I put pressure on situations AND ultimately I hurt myself. I hurt myself because I do not let good things unfold naturally. So maybe I need to learn how to be discovered vs insist that you “do not discover me”. Always learning….but this is a big one for me AND a very unconscious thing for me. At this point I am not even sure if this is what I do but I think maybe I do.
Yesterday I said Do Not Discover ME. Did you read it? It is short. It is true and not true but maybe true for right now. I need peace and I need to figure some of this out. I need to get to a place where I am better at discerning and somehow more solid. I do not need a man to tell me I am pretty….I am ready instead to be alone or with a man who enriches my life much bigger than that.
~ Always With Love
I am tired. I am okay. But feeling overwehlmed by bullshit. And I think the bullshit is the instant gratification bullshit that is social media. For the first time in a long time I feel like hiding. I feel like screaming “Do NOT Discover me. You Can not handle me. Fuck off.”
Not very nice eh? I will explain better. But for now that is all.
With Love ~ albeit a grumpy irritated kind of love.