Metamorphisis = Liquid

Did you know that in metamorphisis  the caterpillar does not just sproing wings out of its back while in the cocoon And in some cases it becomes liquid? 

The idea of becoming a liquid or goo and essentially disolving made me feel really powerful about the state I have been in over the past two and three months. Perhaps you can feel powerful in your liquid state too.

Remember that when you are falling apart and it feels bigger than any other time you’ve fallen apart that it is possible you are dissolving the old you so that you can become the most beautiful and free you. Maybe at long last you are dissolving the masks, the walls and feeling vulnerable. Maybe this time in your nakedness you will decide once and for all to be yourself and stand proud. Perhaps you are becoming the one that you were before you “forgot you were alive.” I hope so – it is so for me… I know it in my bones. 

Remember who you were and shine.

~Always With Love

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They Loved You Before You Learned to Love Yourself

Good friends love you and see the beauty behind your behaviour. They love you sometimes long before you learn to love yourself. Those hard times….when you forget who you were, where you were going and you forget to love you ~ still they were standing in front of you smiling at your beauty indeed.

It Is In You

More than ever I am coming to understand the expression “you are Love”. It has never been outside of you….that does not mean you remain isolated and only finding your strength inward. You can still lean on others and lift others up BUT the love…it is not external…it is in you and all around.

Let Go. Be Love.

In Action

In action is where I need to be.  It is strange for me because I have been in thinking for a very long time.  But just so you know…this is where I am.  I am building new muscles….it has not been easy the past very short little while but before that…things were really moving in a beautiful direction.  We will See….Time will Tell.

~ Always With Love

When You Really Let Go

When you really let go you finally do not want to mull it over anymore.  When it comes up and you are pulled in you do not take the bait…..bit by bit, more and more untill you just DON’T AT ALL…..not again.

It is a rather long walk with lots of peaks and valleys but eventually you decide to move to new terrain.  It is hard…it was a lifetime but you just have to let go eventually.  A New life awaits you…..you deserve a good life….it is okay to want that for yourself.

I really walked into some weeks of ANGER…..

Do you remember?  I was writing about Guilt and then I started to write about Anger because that was going to be the next step BUT I decided I did not want to be in Anger.  Well…that is the thing about healing I found……you do not really get to skip the stages and so it came.

 

I erupted in anger triggered by old patterns with my ex.  Patterns that are why we are not together in marriage but patterns that glue us together because of our kids.  I wrote about it and was going to share but it was big enough all by itself.  Rewriting would have killed me.

I hated being in so much angry energy and I acted ungraciously but I made my point.  Not only did I make my point but I also grew in awareness about some of the realities of my marriage that I had denied.  Some of the reasons my marriage ended are painful to realize. In a way some of the realizations make me feel foolish and I fear for the person that I can be that was willing to put herself so far on the back burner.

It is too much to share but in short….I carried the marriage….I was the only one really in a relationship and he was a “doer” AND I made the compromises and the little things that mattered to me did not matter enough to him.  He was not willing nor interested in growing or changing.  It does not matter….I do not share to point fingers BUT this…this is the golden nugget:

The guilt I felt for being the one that chose to end “us”….it is so very absurd.  He left “us” long before and I communicated in every way my needs that would have brought me back on board.  He chose to let me go and so I forgive myself fully.

Anger and Forgiveness?  Guilt first (usually for woman…that masks the anger), then Anger…then forgiveness of both of you? I have written a lot about forgiving him but I am not sure I forgave myself.  And in this new bout of Anger I can see it.  I can see letting go for real.

See…here I am starting my work in dealing with guilt:

https://booksnblogsblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/14/healing-your-heart-the-guilt-project

And then here I am feeling quite done with that project:

https://booksnblogsblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/18/fuck-this-shit

And here I am going into forgiveness:

https://booksnblogsblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/the-letter-peace-love-apologies

 

But now I think…I hope…my moving through anger is the final tipping point. It is time.

How about you?  Are you ready to let go for real?

~ Always With Love