Ex Bashing

I truly feel that bashing your ex is the most unhealthy and pain inducing thing you can do on your healing journey.  It is healthy to talk real and call an ace an ace in a moment but generally pointing fingers and placing blame only hurts you more in the end.  It also stops your own healing.  It is only you in the end that you can change and it is only you that can grow and choose better.

Men are good.  Women are good.  We are all doing the best we can.  Move forward-looking up.

~Always With Love

It Is In You

More than ever I am coming to understand the expression “you are Love”. It has never been outside of you….that does not mean you remain isolated and only finding your strength inward. You can still lean on others and lift others up BUT the love…it is not external…it is in you and all around.

Let Go. Be Love.

In Action

In action is where I need to be.  It is strange for me because I have been in thinking for a very long time.  But just so you know…this is where I am.  I am building new muscles….it has not been easy the past very short little while but before that…things were really moving in a beautiful direction.  We will See….Time will Tell.

~ Always With Love

When You Really Let Go

When you really let go you finally do not want to mull it over anymore.  When it comes up and you are pulled in you do not take the bait…..bit by bit, more and more untill you just DON’T AT ALL…..not again.

It is a rather long walk with lots of peaks and valleys but eventually you decide to move to new terrain.  It is hard…it was a lifetime but you just have to let go eventually.  A New life awaits you…..you deserve a good life….it is okay to want that for yourself.

I really walked into some weeks of ANGER…..

Do you remember?  I was writing about Guilt and then I started to write about Anger because that was going to be the next step BUT I decided I did not want to be in Anger.  Well…that is the thing about healing I found……you do not really get to skip the stages and so it came.

 

I erupted in anger triggered by old patterns with my ex.  Patterns that are why we are not together in marriage but patterns that glue us together because of our kids.  I wrote about it and was going to share but it was big enough all by itself.  Rewriting would have killed me.

I hated being in so much angry energy and I acted ungraciously but I made my point.  Not only did I make my point but I also grew in awareness about some of the realities of my marriage that I had denied.  Some of the reasons my marriage ended are painful to realize. In a way some of the realizations make me feel foolish and I fear for the person that I can be that was willing to put herself so far on the back burner.

It is too much to share but in short….I carried the marriage….I was the only one really in a relationship and he was a “doer” AND I made the compromises and the little things that mattered to me did not matter enough to him.  He was not willing nor interested in growing or changing.  It does not matter….I do not share to point fingers BUT this…this is the golden nugget:

The guilt I felt for being the one that chose to end “us”….it is so very absurd.  He left “us” long before and I communicated in every way my needs that would have brought me back on board.  He chose to let me go and so I forgive myself fully.

Anger and Forgiveness?  Guilt first (usually for woman…that masks the anger), then Anger…then forgiveness of both of you? I have written a lot about forgiving him but I am not sure I forgave myself.  And in this new bout of Anger I can see it.  I can see letting go for real.

See…here I am starting my work in dealing with guilt:

https://booksnblogsblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/14/healing-your-heart-the-guilt-project

And then here I am feeling quite done with that project:

https://booksnblogsblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/18/fuck-this-shit

And here I am going into forgiveness:

https://booksnblogsblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/the-letter-peace-love-apologies

 

But now I think…I hope…my moving through anger is the final tipping point. It is time.

How about you?  Are you ready to let go for real?

~ Always With Love

She Said What?

I love what comes down on the page…..it usually surprises me though sometimes it is simply mundane.  This morning it was wise.  She said some wise stuff that is going to take me to a new level of peace….I think….I have that feeling.  It just came down and that’s the whole point of it right?  You point the pencil to the paper and all of the thoughts you have been collecting come together and you create a meaning.

It was about my divorce this time and/or my marriage depending on how you look at it.  A new clarity of what I need to say and how I need to think for more moving forward.  Stay tuned….I will be posting it up.

What wise thing did you say to yourself today?

~ Always With Love

The Song You Don’t Send

The song you don’t send prematurely because you are smart enough to know better this time.  You want to think this way but you know things unfold not always as you expect and you do not want to trip over your own imagination.  But you feel it….you are in fact pretty damn sure you will be running down this road FOR a WHILE anyways. And you also do not want to scare the beautiful man.

Do you wish you had that innocence?  That tripping over yourself ability to let go and be excited about the things you are excited about.  I do and I don’t……I do because its part of the joyful experience of love but I don’t because I am ready for something much bigger than those first butterflies.  Have a beautiful day loves.

~Always With Love