I truly feel that bashing your ex is the most unhealthy and pain inducing thing you can do on your healing journey. It is healthy to talk real and call an ace an ace in a moment but generally pointing fingers and placing blame only hurts you more in the end. It also stops your own healing. It is only you in the end that you can change and it is only you that can grow and choose better.
Men are good. Women are good. We are all doing the best we can. Move forward-looking up.
~Always With Love
More than ever I am coming to understand the expression “you are Love”. It has never been outside of you….that does not mean you remain isolated and only finding your strength inward. You can still lean on others and lift others up BUT the love…it is not external…it is in you and all around.
Let Go. Be Love.
This beauty really hit home when it came through my news feed on Facebook. I have this conversation often with one of my very good friends. I am intense and I am layered AND I scare the crap out of men. But it would be such a tragedy if I were to be any other way. Because this is where the golden nugget of all of us are. In our intensity is all of our gifts. We can not lay low and thrive. We can not stay quiet and bring light and love to others. Can you imagine if everybody kept their gifts hidden?
So I have decided I will continue to be the girl who always shows her light and always shows her shadows TOO soon. I will only change in that I will give back in a balanced way. Never putting too much energy into situations that are not a match. Not because others that don’t match are not worthy but because somebody out there will love me and need me exactly as I am.
You are worth it.
Will you be small and shrink? Will you be quiet and play safe? Will you pour yourself into something that fills you or will you pour yourself into something that drains you? Who will you be? Who were you when you were young? Were you filled with light, hope, love and faith? Will you be that? Will you bring her back and let her shine? We all get to choose you know. There is no excuse. No great story that exempts you from being all that you are including all of your shiny gifts.
Who will you be my love? I know its time for me to shine.
I do this life in Waves. Always have. Waves of emotion and waves of being wise. I do grow wiser… it’s certainly true but then life is before me again with a new challenge. I have to say as a “thinker”… I’ve always been one their is a huge letting go that happens as I move through my fourties. It’s not the end… it’s the journey. For some this might translate to as it’s not the boyfriend, house, car but for me a thinker it’s different. The end for me means clarity and wisdom. There is no end to that either sooooo fuck it. Okay now… well at least some of the time. Yee seekers ….will always seek just make sure you’re laughing and dancing in between.
Darn – I wrote something to go with this but obviously blogging from my phone is not going to work.
Something about freedom from trying to figure it all out? Something about being a thinker/seeker and striving to attain an end point but then getting to a life stage where the saying “it’s the journey” truly resonates? Yes. That’s Right.
In my twenties I thought I was such a wise one that had triumphed a lot and was over the hardest years of my life. ha ha ha ha
In my thirties I was a new mom. Well holy crap……I was screwed…..I knew nothing really. Then entered baby two, then entered twins and I was a mother of 4 children under 5 and quite completely lost. Not lost in a bad way but children challenge and humble us. Thats how it is supposed to be. Thats us GROWING up some more. This…will happen to our children too.
As I neared 40 and made huge adult decisions about my life moving forward I was quite sure I was on my way to the deepest of knowings and huge life awareness. I was convinced of those metaphors – “jump into the net”, “walk through the fires”, “becoming a beautiful butterfly”. So I jumped, burned, became a butterfly? Hmmmmm…..maybe. How about I became a Flutter BEE? I like that better. Or perhaps one of those really cool Moths? Ok so I became a ButterflyFlutterBEEMoth. MammothMoth. Fluttering. Like a Butterfly. But buzzing like a BEE. Ok thats enough.
I am 43 now and what I have really found is a letting go. A letting go of knowing wise things. I still know nothing grande and nothing final and I know the journey will continue in its waves of knowing and not knowing.
Hence 2) What The Fuck Is This.
Maybe you know the answer.
But I am ready. I truly am. I am ready to let go of being miserable, alone and lonely. I am ready to embrace the things that are GOOD that come to me without the following sense of dread and guilt. Life is short isnt it?
Let me be open for REAL. Let me LET GO for real. It is time.
Because who better to love me than the one who knows all of my light, darkness, beauty and beast? Once upon a time I beleived it selfish to love me….not entirely selfish but a little bit.But then in the moments of treasuring myself I saw how my heart opened to everybody.I saw how clearly a day of loving me….not waiting for another to love me….not giving all of my love away…..but loving me was an incredible gift to the world and beyond.
And I Shall Love Me – Forever and Ever Amen.